light in the shadows.

finally trying to face my demons,
pay the piper They say,
the only person i owe is me.
i need to be free,
i need to think,
i need to speak,
i need to feel pain,
i need someone to blame.

what we had was real,
at least that’s what i thought.
maybe real is something for you that it isn’t for me,
maybe we were real but something happened that i didn’t see,
maybe i hoped for something you couldn’t be, for me.

i thought we had open lines of communication,
i thought there was something wrong that you would mention,
but that’s the problem; i always assume and never take action.

i am human,
i build bridges, read books,
and hold grudges.
i love you, that’s no secret,
you messed up and only i see it.
our bridge collapsed,
but in my dreams it relapsed
and i try to forget.

i know i pushed you away,
but that was the only way,
for me to heal,
to see the real,
and now i kneel.

i pray i find healing in seeing you,
because right now it hurts to know you’re happy without me
unfazed, i’m simply erased.

i pray i stop hoping you’ll come back.
i set you free and you aren’t a boomerang.
They say if it comes back to you it’s yours, but you never came back.
with understanding here i lack,
They have crossed the line,
does that mean you were never mine?

and if a fallen bridge is all i remember,
i pray it reminds me of what we had,
and shows me more than just a silhouette.

6f4422515e8f744aadbea3f115aa32c6--black-white-art-drawing-sketches

 

 

r.i.p. nkuku

when you opened your eyes to look at me,
i had hoped you would know who i am,
reminded of the great queen you groomed me to be,
the wind beneath your wings.

you were loving, caring and old,
we always invaded your humble abode.
there was something about an unmanageable three generations in one room,
that made history seem tangible.

her frail fingers casually carried 71 years of her life,
they tell stories.
her index finger crookedly points me down memory lane,
to a time.

a time when two piece meal ya hungry lion was a myth,
but she bought it for herself and gave it all to me.
a time when her house burnt down,
but old lady nonetheless bent down,
to water every brick that was laid and laid,
a home rebuilt.

a time when i constantly had to pause the dvd,
to explain why the man on the tv,
was running towards us.

nkuku your strength will not be forgotten.
like a seed that germinates,
you have grown and dispersed many more seeds.

we are not created or destroyed,
we are vessels shifted and restored,
what we are is given to us,
death does not come because the body is too exhausted to exist,
it comes because the greatness inside can only be contained for so long,
i will not cry for you,
because you are not dead,
you have passed on.

as i witnessed your years of strength,
i understood what life really meant,
that wrinkles are worth more than a diamond could ever be,
that the heavens have gained an angel,
and free at last you are free.

but when tomorrow starts without you,
we will try to understand,
that an angel came and called your name,
and took you by the hand.
hands_reaching_out_by_myxbr0kenxdreams