my apologies for the misunderstanding or the lack there of, from myself and any woman who has survived sexual assault.
all i know is i’m sorry,
i’m sorry the hem of my skirt
is an invitation for you to blurt
all that makes me feel like dirt,
i’m sorry i acted like your slurred words were unheard,
because they made me feel like my comfort was never preferred.
as you chauffeured me,
i hoped ignoring you would free me from your verbal arrest,
i’m sorry my eyes sent a message,
and opened up a physical passage
that made every no i screamed a yes,
and now my body i no longer possess.
i’m sorry i believed these lies,
that the right to my body is a social disguise
based on the notion that a man has a right to anything in his eyes.
i’m sorry i didn’t get the memo,
that if i drink too much i go from being a woman to being your hoe.
i’m sorry if my apology isn’t coming off entirely too sincere
so let me break it down and make it a bit more clear.
this apology is a symptom of a social disease,
seen from the street just outside your house to completely public bus stations.
with outbreaks of slut-shaming and victim blaming,
there is no cure in sight,
under this current system of patriarchy.
if a person has been raped,
look for the rapist
and not the reason.
i wrap myself around myself to remember who i am,
because who i’m not is embedded so deep
and now i’m completely lost.